What I've been saying is because of my mother & the upcoming service, I cannot leave him immediately. IF or rather WHEN another fight occurs, I know that I will react poorly and will want to end it right there and then, which could very well happen. And I believe that another fight is inevitable, given how he has been behaving. I think that leaving him is also inevitable.

BUT I have to keep the peace right now. This is really really hard. I am in a bad position, and I do not know how to handle it.

Abuse advocates help the victim to formulate an exit strategy and plan, which is likely what I need. I need to speak with my abuse advocate again.

Edited to say: I reached out to my advocate to arrange a call this week. Hopefully, he will be able to schedule one with me.