I understand that you don't want to rock the boat because of your father's service. I'm sure it's very sad and stressful for your family. Do you believe your safety and health is less important to your mother than your father's memorial?

If your husband can consciously control his volume and not yell, why can't he consciously control his words and not call you names and insult you? The audible volume of his abuse may have changed, but he's still insulting you and name calling in an argument. You giving him credit for not yelling in an argument is like giving credit to someone stealing your car for not speeding. It doesn't change the crime.