The need to feel safe. It is the challenge for all of us here.

I know there are places I want to go but I am still afraid of going there with T. I used to feel like I needed to feel safe and that once I arrived in that safe place with T I would be able to sort of spill my guts and then all would be well. But now I know that there is a continuum of safety the same way there is a continuum of healing. How far to go is completely up to me. I crave the intimacy of a deeper relationship, and I hope to be able to continue to forge that with T. That's what the hug dreams were about.

I think the challenge is meeting the obstacles and making friends with them.

This week T told me he would be giving up Tuesdays in his office beginning in September and wants to reschedule my Tuesday appt.

This has thrown me into somewhat of a tailspin. Even though he wants to reschedule--and even though I know he will--I am still rattled. I hold within me a fear of his tricking me...a sort of "yeah, we'll reschedule Miss," [loser].

Yesterday I dreamed that T cut my session short and was with his son and didn't even notice that we had 15 minutes left.

This is a big obstacle for me to climb over.

Sigh