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DoroMona
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Member Since Feb 2018
Location: Kansas
Posts: 161
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Default Sep 21, 2022 at 06:14 PM
 
I've been reading about stonewalling lately because ironically a colleague has recently complained I've been stonewalling him. My situation is complicated, but anyway...I would suggest you express that you regret it if you did anything wrong and would really like to talk to her when she's ready...and then just leave it alone. You can ignore her texts too at that point. If this is her pattern of behavior, then soon enough she'll relent and talk to you again. At that time, you should warn her that you care about her and really value the friendship, but that when she cuts you off like that, it's really stressful and hurtful and you don't think you can handle being treated like that. Stonewalling is really physically and mentally unhealthy for both parties. You can read about why people do it--often when they were younger, they were ridiculed when they expressed anger or disagreement and they just learned to internalize it and be quietly furious.

Although I have a predilection for stonewalling or the silent treatment, I made a conscious decision never to do it to my SO because I knew the relationship wouldn't be able to handle that behavior. Hopefully you can have communicate your feelings with your friend and maybe she'll feel safer expressing anger with you in the future. Alternatively, you could recommend she educate herself on the behavior and on learning "assertive anger."

Dealing with Anger: Types of Anger – Your Life Counts
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Thanks for this!
Bill3, TheGal