There is no judgement of you! This is a judgement of him. Not you. You aren’t the one doing this crap.

Maybe I misread but it sounded as you said you understand memorial is too long for him. He can’t be there that long. Why? It’s not too long if your wife needs you there. It’s his father in law. Sure if it was neighbors funeral it’s too long. Not a valid excuse

Or his mother is sick. That’s another excuse. There’s always an excuse that he has and it sounds as you are accepting his excuses. Work stress mom is sick funeral is too long family lost money etc Those are every day life things all people have. That’s life.

Nothing unique or special that puts him in a different position than all of us. He’s using it to make you feel sorry for him so he can escape normal marital responsibilities

I sure hope you divorcing him