Well.... A lot has happened.

Out oldest was away for much of the summer attending training at a college campus.

Me and the youngest spent quite a bit of time together. On one weekend trip, youngest cried for hours in the car about feeling pushed aside by mom/wife, and about al the stuff they were left to navigate on their own during times I wasn't around. There was a lot of pain and anger directed at mom/wife.

Oldest came home a couple of weekends and was barely around. When he came back home at the end of the summer, he'd be gone all day. When he was around he was sick to his stomach a lot. He finally broke down and said that he couldn't be home around mom/wife. In his words, he felt "gaslit as f**k" and like he was going out of his mind with some of the memory gaps and odd interactions he was having with his mom.

Something we never talk about is that she drinks. Rarely ever drunk, but drinks wine throughout the day. 7-10 bottles a week, and keeping strange sleep hours, and not eating much.

Someone raised a flag to me that there could be symptoms of vitamin B1, B6, and/or B12 dementia with the things we were seeing; stomach issues, sleep disruption, memory gaps filled in with confabulated stories, feelings of isolation and victimization are all symptoms.

My wife has surrounded herself in a narrative that she is isolated, that I don't support her in any meaningful way, that I am insulting and hateful, etc. and that her new friends are perfect, beautiful, empowered, and she can rely on them for anything. She's said this stuff to the kids. My youngest questioned her in several one on one conversations and said, "Like what" What does Dad say? What does Dad do?" and mom didn't have an answer. Kid, on our driving trip, spilled all this stuff out to me and said it didn't match with what they'd seen and mom couldn't give an example. Not one. Kid said they didn't believe it.

Twice my wife became very angry and spun out within minutes to divorcing and separating. Once in front of the kids. That happened after blaming me for something that clearly had not occurred, after she'd had a significant memory gap in something we'd talked and made plans for.

The second time, I blatantly drew the kids into it. The kids.... verbally tore her apart. She was stunned and had to listen. She couldn't deny that they were saying EXACTLY the same things I'd seen for years now. She couldn't deny the multiple examples they gave of her prioritizing herself over them, of her choosing to isolate herself, of her getting angry for no reason, of her memory gaps, etc.

She was convinced after all that, that we needed to divorce ASAP. She was clear.... Split finances, separate lives immediately. That was three weeks ago. We're still in the same house.

She did make changes though. She immediately stopped drinking. She began taking vitamin supplements. She started sleeping through the night. She began working more hours at work (increased from 5 hours a week to 35), she began eating more and gaining weight, and she began sleeping through the night. All within a month.

She remains convinced though that I have lied, twisted, manipulated her, mistreated her, failed to support her, etc. for years. The kids have gone OFF on her for saying these things to me. She is listening to them about their experiences to a significant degree, but she remains convinced all feelings things towards me are accurate and that I'm just horrible.

I'm very, very nearly done.

This will be a huge financial hardship, but I'm ready to at least go see a lawyer. I hate this. I love her. I don't know what the heck happened.

RDMercer