Quote:
Originally Posted by MuseumGhost
I didn't know this thread was here until today.
 You are going through so much. I wish I could make you a nice favourite hot beverage, and look in your eyes, and reassure you.
Everything feels very confusing right now, I get that. I was worried this would happen. But I respect you so much for putting your mom's health ahead of your own. That's what loving is.
Only a little way to go, now. It will all be okay.
Everything will be alright. You will get through this. And you will, in the long run, be well and happy again.
It took me a very long time to get out of my old way of forgiving everyone for their sins, and into truly seeing the big picture when I was being victimized by my abusers. It happened repeatedly because, A.) I was innocent, and basically kind, and had been raised with a strong Judeo-Christian idea of love and forgiveness, and B.) I could never fathom what many people are actually capable of, and how happily they will try and manipulate and control/ abuse another person.
It also took me an extraordinarily long time to get my head around the fact that I was worth protecting and respecting. But, ever since I started thinking of things in a different light (as in, My emotional health IS the basis of my well-being), I have been doing much better. I was always a little shell-shocked and stuck in a kind of disbelief at first, when I smelled the rat right under my nose...I cared for these people as human beings, and had obviously developed profound emotions around some of them. But I accepted that I was never going to be cared-for, by them, in the way that I desired and needed. That's when I found the courage and the strength to take care of myself, and do what I needed to do to stay safe.
Now that there is some time & distance between myself and the individuals who, for whatever reason, wanted to victimize me, I am MUCH stronger, and can process things in a very clear and direct way. And I'm getting better every day.
You will, too, HaveHope. You will get there. |
Aww, thank you so much, dearest @
MuseumGhost.
I am Christian myself, and believe in forgiveness and kindness. It's probably both my strength and weakness.
I had forgiven my husband for his prior infidelity. But then, after allowing him back into home with me, and after he initiated 4-5 different fights with me in the last month whereby he insulted me, well that trust is once again being eroded. When he moved back in, he had promised he would ONLY treat me with the upmost love and respect.
So what happens after the insults? Well, once again he's breaking his promise to me, which then extends my mistrust of him to all areas of our marriage. Because when things went sour in our marriage the last time and we were fighting a lot, that's when he decided to be unfaithful. So, I think perhaps he's cheating on me again because a woman sends him a random package last week. I told him he was lying to me about it because that's sure what it seemed like from my perspective. It turns out I was wrong.
And now? Now, I am just trying to get through the day, each and every day. I had to take a half day off from work because of my relationship problems yesterday.
And that's because yesterday I told him the marriage is over, and now he's fighting for it not to be. And deep down, I wonder if it's because if this marriage dissolves, he wants it to dissolve on HIS terms, and NOT mine - that he wants to be the one to leave, not me. This is what is going through my mind right now.