Yeah I get that. It's just over the years whrn I've said I'm not coming to session etc she's always said "I can't nashe you come but I think it would benefit you too cube and talk any your reasons fit not wanting to come.

This time felt different. I'd always, felt her to be resilient but covid really took the strength from her mentally. She seemed to fall apart with the thought of it. That scared me and aided my decision to not return. Her vulnerability in my eyes left me feeling as if I was falling apart too.
I told her in an endo a year later that the thought of seeing her with a mask on scared the bejesus out of me. And partly my not returning was connected to ask this as well. I didn't want to say at the time about the mask and put pressure on her not to wear one.
But this all felt like covid got her scared and she wasn't really on the ball with what was really going on.

She'd always said over the years that whrn clients leave they're welcome to "visit" her now and again (in a structured way).. This too was taken of the table.
I feel she was a fake now. Her caring a fake. At the end of the day she fed me lies.