I'm so depressed, heartbroken, and full of grief.
Trigger warning for infertility:

I'm in so much pain.

L and I were talking about my infertility today, and I said things I've never said before. I'm really struggling.

I have become re-inspired to start writing stories again. When I set up my new laptop last night, it knew so much because of having a gmail account (ooeeoo big brother) and it imported all kinds of stuff - including access to google docs where several years ago I had saved quite a bit of a story I had been working on at the time. Over half of the document is thoughts/plans/character development (there's a therapist in it and it appears that I was modeling her after L) and the rest is actual story. I printed it and I'm going to read through it and see if I can get back into the spirit of it, and actually finish it. From the little bit I already read, it shouldn't be hard to get back into it. I thought all of that writing was lost forever because I couldn't find it on old laptop - I'd forgotten I saved it to google drive.

Well I decided to continue another 8 weeks in the coaching/cbt thing and just changed my program and scheduled my next session, I'm going to do the social anxiety one this time. When I just went through the initial questions, I realized I guess I do struggle with it more than I realized... just, working at home I don't really deal with other people in person all that much. I will still have C as my coach which is good I feel like we have good conversations.