I am in therapy now but its like I dont know the truth. I have memories of being locked under the crawl boards of the house in the closet. All that I can remember is this scary room. I have a vague memory of being on top of this neighbor and him kissing me I was around 5 i think. Ive tried emdr but now im hesitant to continue it. The therapist has the child part of me in the safe place during emdr but I dont want her there I told the T it just seems narotic to me . So why am I so afraid of acknowledging the child part of me? I dont know what happened cause I cant remember. The first time I slept with a person I felt that I wasnt a virgin though and I dont even remember it . It seems strange to me that I wouldnt remember my first time though. Therapist is looking into the fact that I might dissociate and this is real scary to me. I am confused right now not knowing what the truth of my life is
Im thinking of quitting counseling but I dont know what to do right now so when in doubt I guess I'll keep going for a little while and see what happens. I dont know what this post is really about Im really feeling panicky about the whole situation. Has anyone else gone through this?