I dunno Mouse,

Everytime I read one of your posts, I find something in my past that is a parallel--we had no pets as a child but when we were adults the parents had a dog they absolutely coddled. And it was a wicked dog.

I think I see a clue in something you wrote:

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no I have mood swings and can go from feeling all sedate to all over the place in 0.1sec.

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Could it be that the child within had to react in split seconds because of mother's rage that struck without warning?

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I feel myself turning into my mother,not the loving compassionate dog owner mother, but the mother who neglected me.

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Well, yes, because you NEVER experienced the loving dog owner mother--the dog did. You only watched it from the sidelines. So, how could you be the loving dog owner if you didn't internalize those feelings from a lived experience.

What you experienced was your mother's rage, so that is the only mother you become when the dog pushes a button. I think that two self states are at work here--the child who did something wrong (your dog peeing the bed) and the mother who reacts in rage.

So, the self love, yes, is the key. I am not there yet either.

Serious work here--nice job and thanks.