Quote:
Originally Posted by MuseumGhost
Dear friend,
Everything you have described is almost TEXTBOOK narcissistic manipulation. You and I know now that they do not operate under the same societal norms that most people follow. It can take some time, and some serious study and cogitating to get to where they live, and how they think.
Every single word he utters springs from his need to control and even "micromanage" you. They get off on doing this. That's a big engine that drives their continual side-winding and method-altering approaches to their victim.
If it causes you confusion, a bit of questioning/ doubting yourself, and even a bit of compassionate paralysis (because a normal healthy mind would never operate in the ways they do), so much the better, they think. It keeps you close and available. They've "won". Even your confusion and dismay gives them a little tickle; it reassures them, and makes them feel powerful, which is the most important thing in the world to them.
Stay resolute!
I've been through it, I've lived it, and now I am actively researching it. Because, otherwise, I wouldn't have been able in a million years to untangle their motivations and behaviors, unless I dedicated lots of time and attention to it. The problem they don't realize, is that they ALL follow very often-repeated and identifiable patterns---and that's what ultimately gives them away, and certifies them as what they are.
They do not change. The manipulative behaviour often continues to escalate. So do not fall for carefully-worded and eloquent promises. Protect yourself. Stay smart, and make secure plans. Do your best to remain non-confrontational, as much as possible.
Narcissists CAN be rehabilitated, as long as they recognize their actions are harming another person, and they then genuinely devote themselves to the care of a good therapist. They have to want to break the cycle very badly, and be dedicated to changing their approaches to people, for it to work. IT IS NOT OUR JOB, as lay people, TO TRY AND DO THIS. It takes trained and highly capable diagnosticians and therapists to make a difference.
There are a lot of good and helpful Youtube videos on how to (and how NOT to) interact with narcissists. Anybody looking for recommendations can PM me.
We're pulling for you, Hope. And I'm sure we all want to hear you're safe, and soon free of him.
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Thank you, dearest @
MuseumGhost.
It's working - he is confusing me. I don't know how to proceed from here. I allowed him to sleep with me in the bedroom after I returned from my father's service last night. He is doing everything in his power to keep me, and right now, I feel I am weakening because he's being so sweet, thoughtful and nice.
He cleaned the entire apartment while I was gone, and turned it into a loving, peaceful and relaxing haven upon my return, with candles lit and incense burning, which I love. He made my bed and put my stuffed teddy bear on the pillows.
I do not know what to do or what to do next. We can go to a couples therapy session tomorrow night whereby I can express how I feel with the safety of a third party.
Is my husband truly a narcissist? My therapist hasn't diagnosed him, but then again, I don't think our therapist is very good. He certainly could be one, but aren't all abusers manipulative?
I spoke in confidence with one of my cousins last night at the service, and I informed my sister that I had told my husband not to attend the service. I told everyone else, including my mother, that my husband had thrown out his back again and was in immense agony and that's why he wasn't there. So, I lied.
I am not feeling very strong - it's going to take an enormous amount of strength and courage to end this for real. The path of least resistance - the easier thing to do - would be to stay. I am facing an entire upheaval of my life in leaving him again. And he is making it SO much harder to remain resolute.
This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to face.
