And, I think @MuseumGhost was right. I think he's a narcissist - I looked up the difference between narc abuse and regular abuse:

Abuse alone is clean. They hate you. They stay hating you. They want to destroy you. They abuse you.

Narcissistic abuse is dirty, twisted, perverse, slimy, invasive and vile. It leaves a dirtiness in you (and later emotional issues) and makes the narcissist look odious and sickening (once you awaken to its true face).

When the narcissist is feeling rotten, moody, angry, sad, self-pitying, unhappy. They will do anything to cause you to become unhappy too. And then they sleep well at night and remember nothing about it. This is the best known part of narcissistic abuse.

But when the narcissist is feeling wonderful, they will then profanely coerce you into feeling wonderful with them. The high functioning ones will turn on their 100 W smile, deploy their charm offensive, tell you how wonderful a jewel you are, how you complete them, buy you expensive gifts, treat you to a $500 dinner.

That's my husband. And I felt this before we got back together.

WHY OH WHY did I have to get back together with him? What was wrong with me? I was in a very vulnerable place, and he crept back in.

What is the difference between narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse? I've been abused by someone with npd (my dad) and someone without (my ex) and the experiences were incredibly similar. - Quora