I hadn't been doing much socially over the past few years... then on a whim, I started getting involved with some gaming groups over the last few months. One day, while at another gamer's house, I saw a script for a play, and I asked him about it.... long story short I volunteered for a part in a community theater play. The play involved meeting together twice a week and first, then it culminated with meeting 3 times a week. While I was meeting with these people, I got involved with some of the typical mind-games and social antics of the group.

Now I'm coming down from the "high" of being with the group - and I'm finding it difficult to sleep - and I have intrusive thoughts relating to some of the mind-games and antics in which I re-hash conversations and situations. I noticed that some people seem to thrive on these (what appear to me to be) high stress situations. I long for a life with very little stress.

One of the hardest things to deal with is the gas-lighting. There were several times it happened - not just to me - but to other people as well.

I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised - I've heard several people involved with the entertainment industry talk about the games they play on each other.

Some other thoughts - I'm also dealing with the fact that I brought at least some of these problems on myself.... and I think about the times when I embarrassed myself. And there are times when I trusted people, and then was disappointed when it turned out they didn't think that much of me, after all. There were also times when it appeared that certain people tried to make amends, or to soothe over hard feelings, then I perpetuated the games myself, and made things worse again.

The most embarrassing thing I did was when I was so stressed that I experienced tunnel vision - I almost walked into a couple of people.