@AzulOscuro, no I have not really tried mindfulness, though I am aware of what it is. I am trying to have compassion for myself. I think the self blame comes from my childhood. I was emotionally neglected by my father and basically was emotionally abused by him, and I think I blamed myself. So, this goes way back to something I became conditioned to believe.

What I think I need now is a very good therapist who can help me to overcome the abuse. I quit my therapist who never validated me. I told him I am not coming back.

And yes, you're right - it sounds absurd to blame yourself when someone else is mean to you. In my head I know that this has everything to do with the other person, and nothing to do with me, when that happens. But inwardly, I may blame myself nonetheless for something like that, and I will question myself.

I think abuse makes you question yourself on everything. This is now my work ahead - to undo the harm that has been done to me.