I have been following this thread but I hadn’t written anything because I wasn’t sure that I was gonna lose my time. You know…couple issues are delicate and normally when we receive suggestions or insight about it, we feel bad when we don’t receive messages as to what it’s best to do. It’s a very personal topic. This is how I see it.
But, from what I read here and others of your threads, it seems to me you have progressed and are pretty open to hear others.
So, why don’t we focus or react in a different way this time.
Why not stop giving your husband information about what you are thinking at the moment and about what you are planning to do in the future. I mean, saying him that you are thinking of cut the relation off is giving him ammunition for him to openly going on trying to manipulate you. And this is only prolong possible circle of abuse and get your confusion grow.

Recap: Take some distance so you will perceive with more certainty what’s the true behaviour on your husband while preparing your posible exit from the marriage.
You will see how long he’s ready to go and what to expect when he’s being himself.

This is my suggestion if I put myself in the sane situation, of course. Giving my partner or my husband no information about what I’m thinking of doing in the future. No ultimatum at all and see how he behaves without pressure.