I think your English is very good. So sorry you are struggling with gender issues. It must be so distressing. Wish I knew what to say that would help.

Sometimes it takes time to sort out personal difficulties with gender identity. I hope others here with more knowledge, experience and insight will see your post and respond with something helpful to you.

13 years old was a very difficult time for me and I struggled with so many difficulties so my heart really goes to you. Sorry I do not know how to be helpful. English is difficult for me too.