Had a bit of a better week. Is it right to think that I am actually looking forward to living without my current SO? It doesn't seem right, but... I have decided (let's see how life cooperates...) that I want a small place for myself (less to maintain) with a HOA - the kind that has a club house, swimming pool, gym, etc. There is one condo that I like but it is too early for me to even consider buying my own place.

I want a small place with great quality stuff. Thinking European lifestyle.

Met some people from where I am originally from and they were happy, young, and traveling all over the place. Then I thought, gee... I used to be like that! I had fewer possessions when I was younger and was so happy.

I started reading books about political science, current affairs, international relations... I miss this stuff so much.

Going back to the narcissist that I am married to... In the three years that we've lived near his family, he's had the nerve to tell me that I keep him from seeing his relatives - which is not true whatsoever. In the same amount of time, I have not been to see my family. I have not seen my mother in almost 4 years. When I brought this up, he didn't have an answer. He's all about himself. He has time to dedicate to his hobbies because I take care of everything else - and I have left my own hobbies behind. This is just not right.

This morning, he let me know what time he is going to church as if I wanted to go with him. I have friends who are religious, but religion has never been a barrier to our friendship. But living with a hypocrite is nuts.

Posted a profile in a dating site - and took it down. Not sure where or if I should even look for someone. I do think live is more fun with people - but good people you can relate to. There is this guy I liked but found out he has a girlfriend - what a bummer.

Nothing is keeping me where I am currently living and also considering moving to another place, closer to my family.

Life sure can be complicated... But grateful that I at least have options. Some people have it much worse than me.