I’m having trouble at my second job. I’m so slow. And my mind is not where it needs to be. I can’t count money very well anymore, which really only affects me when counting out my drawer at the end of my shift, but still. I guess I’m just having so many bad side effects from the haldol I’m getting upset. I still feel like I have that blank stare, and my tongue is still vibrating which I know could become permanent. I have bad tremors in the morning and I’m beginning to have sexual dysfunction which I’m sorry but it’s honestly a dealbreaker. All these side effects are, it makes me feel like soon I won’t be able to work full time anymore. I’m going to try to get through this school year month by month. It’s already October.

I think part of my anxiety is I didn’t expect a BD kid in the autism class. He’s so out of control and the teacher is in this power struggle with him that won’t help. I think I should say something to her but I don’t know how she’ll take it.

Like honestly I don’t care about being slapped by the nonverbal kid, I don’t care about being kicked at, I do care about being bit lol but I always wear a sweatshirt so though it would hurt it wouldn’t hurt as much. All those things I don’t care about. But the screaming and property destruction reminds me too much of my old school.

I think I’m going to try to get up early and maybe go to the gym in the AM to work out the anxiety a bit. It’s just annoying to put on workout clothes and then changing again. But it will probably be good. Then I can go again with RS after dinner. I’ll see if I can.

Today it was raining like crazy with high winds, remnants of hurricane Ian that made it up to NJ. Stupidly we decided to take my son to the arcade down at the shore. But he loves the arcade! He has so much fun and honestly I have fun watching him have fun. He is part of the VIP club at this arcade and he was so excited because he moved up a level to gold. They also have gift cards as prizes so we don’t have to go home with a bunch of stupid junk.

I don’t know when he’s gonna stop wanting to be with us. So I’m gonna soak up every minute of family time we’ve got left. He’ll be twelve in six weeks. CR is just growing up and it makes me a bit wistful.