Now on to some venting...

I watched a video today in YouTube from Dr. Ramani about narcissists, and how you do not want to call them out on it - I have experienced quite a bit of self-restraint, but haven't been successful 100% of the time.

The disrespect and the double standards I have been putting up with... But realizing that the problem is him and not me. For example, whenever I go to the basement, I let him know and wait until I hear a response. I don't hang out in the basement and make noise. But... when he comes upstairs and he cooks, makes a mess, eats with his mouth open... basically, letting me know he is there. I so want to tell him to be quiet and to head downstairs... But I don't. I have turned to be passive aggressive (probably now the most mature approach....) and turn the TV on louder than I normally do to cancel his noises.

Today, I was also thinking about his body language in many of the nth times that I tried to talk to him about our problems... Head stands, stretching, etc. I'm sure he doesn't do that at work when interacting with his bosses. Why disrespect your family?

Talking about family... I have come across emails he has sent to his family telling them that it is all in my head, that I am not seeking outside help, and that I do not hold the same religious beliefs. Naturally, no mention of all the times, throughout the years, I have tried to talk it out with him. Thing is, if he really knew me (but didn't really bother because I was a hassle...) he would know that I have talked to people about this. And everyone pointed to the best option is to leave.

You take care of what you love... I have had cats most of my life and have taken care of them - until the bitter end. It's as if my soon to be ex is missing something... He may be emotionally stunted. I cannot fix it. I am not a professional. I do wish I had spent more time getting to know the real person. I had known of him for years before I dated him. Everyone liked him - all acquaintances. No close personal, long-term relationships. He has no friends. Some of these friends had mentioned to me that they reached out to him but he never replied.

Sometimes, I regret having taken a leap of faith for someone who wouldn't do the same for me.