Hey all,

thanks for the replies. I'm not so much hurting as I know there is a part of me inside that is frightened. It's the little child who experienced so much denial and so many promises and ultimately so many lies. But she just kept waiting for someone to "show up."

T has already said we will reschedule to Mondays.

I just see these things as obstacles because it is my defense to put them between us...hanging on the hurt of the inner child rather than opening up to the possibilities of the mature adult?

The opening up is what feels so risky. And it is in that defense that the intimacy suffers. The intimacy of just being....sharing or not...but just being present as I am now in this moment or in the moment and space I share with T while feeling my emotional pain but not letting it derail the adult me. Whoa.