I talked to my brother, sister, and father a bit ago. My brother said that he has now finally informed the extended family that he is very ill with cancer. The immediate family, including me, has known about it for a few weeks now, but my brother asked that I keep it mum until he further shared the news. It's likely pancreatic cancer. Tomorrow he goes to an oncologist who will soon let him know where it may or may not have spread and what any action plan may be to fight it. He's extremely ill and pessimistic that he will survive it. He's lost an extreme amount of weight and is very weak, and looks so unwell. Not the strong healthy brother I've always known. I'm trying to be encouraging, though he continues to state that he's accepted the worst. The whole family is devastated. We've all had difficulty functioning after this news. I encouraged him to try to spend time outside and listen to the birds and observe the environment. Mindfulness and staying in the present. I'm not sure he is able, but I don't know what else to say. I don't want to cry during our WhatsApp meetings. That's not helpful, I don't think. We've all shared our love for each other many times.

It's excruciatingly painful to lose those we love. My brother is not even 60. My father is alive and must see this kind of pain. Dad's a sensitive soul as it is. I'm very worried for him, too. My mother died young (61) of a cancer that's not so unlike what my brother now has. My sister and I have discussed getting screened, ourselves, though we don't know of a history of it before our mom.

The above is the extreme stress I mentioned a week back. I want to give thanks to all here who wrote notes of support. I certainly want to keep strong to support my brother and the rest of my family during this time. There's no place for me to get sick with bipolar disorder. Plus, during all of this my husband and I have just made a major move and purchase of a new home that needs extensive renovations. If there were ever major stressors in life, this qualifies among the worst only perhaps equaled by the sudden death of my mother from cancer and the loss of my nephew to bipolar depression.