I'm wondering today if you had written me the letter I asked you for (if you only knew how hard it was to ask for it, you might still have said no, but I bet you'd at least have asked for time to think about it instead of just outright refusing) that having it, and being able to re-read it during times of stress like right now, I might not be wanting to talk to you so much. It really would have been helpful to have, I think. I know you suggested to write it myself, which I did, but re-reading that isn't helpful because it's not actually from you.

Stupid feelings.