I was having major depression and bad suicidal ideations this las weekend and I did something I have never done before and that was I texted two buddies on Sunday asking for help. I am 49 and this is the first time I can remember asking anyone rather than my doctor for help I usually wait until it was to late. Well those two buddies I texted actually both of them called me and we talked for the longest time. It is nice to know if I reach out for help that others will help me as best as they can.
I have a problem opening up to males it has to do with my views on masculinity and the theory for me was/is I am man I show no emotion cause if I do I will look weak and I am not weak. But right now I am the most broken I have ever been in my life. It has been almost a year since my wife passed away and that honestly destroyed me when she died. Honestly if it was not for my kids and animals I probably would of ate a bullet the day she died. I also seen my new pdoc yesterday for the second time and I really like him. He actually knew my wife on the job and he has really gone out of his way to help me he gave me like 4months Latuda samples cause I can not afford them.

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