Today we scattered my father's ashes. He died 3.5 years ago but it's taken a lot of coaxing to get my brother here with appropriate weather. So I was thrilled my brother actually came (I wasn't doing it without him).


It was weird to see all that remained of a terrifying man was a 10 lb bag of ashes. We released the ashes into a creek where we used to have picnics many years ago. Some of the few good memories. He had left a letter with his final wishes and asked to have the ashes scattered in a river near where he lived but that's 9 hours from here and we decided there was more sentimentality in this creek anyway.

I just can't believe it is over. I no longer have that part of him; he's truly gone. I know he's been gone since the minute he died but I think I feel like he's completely at peace now. I don't know.

And now I have another reason that I'm having a hard time falling asleep.

What a weird day.