I find difficult to articulate what I want to explain.
In spite of my lately progress in self-esteem and in social interactions, there’s something I seem not to overcome. It’s a feeling I had ingrain since a kid. The fear to bother people when interacting. To take time from them. This is one of the reason, besides being embarrassed, that made me avoid socialisation.
So I rarely take to far the time I spend with others.

When a kid, my parents, especially my father stressed a lot the fact that we (my siblings and me) had to behave as perfect and exemplary kids and avoid bothering others with you know…normal things of kids. Nothing further. We were good kids.

However, I have contradictory thoughts. My psych told me once that it could be due to a converse (can’t find the word now)…a converse mechanism. That maybe, it was me who didn’t want to be bothered and I make a projection onto others.
I’m confuse. And I’m stuck as to where to start to overcome this fear.

I have thoughts such as: “It was enough time. I don’t want to distract this person any further”, “I think that I can’t invite this person to that or such activity, it would be a big compromise for her/his”.
When there’s a group, I find extremely difficult to join. “They are talking about their things, I don’t want to bother or interrupt them”.
Many times I didn’t engage in a conversation beyond a little of chit chat, again, because I don’t want to bother.

When a friend and I want to take a meeting, I think twice, three, four and even five times whether the date and the time is appropriate for that person. Again, because I don’t want he/she to feel forced and I often let them the initiative to put the schedule.

If I ever take the initiative, even when the person accept, I always feel bad. What if (s)he feel forced or isn’t convenient for them.

This is I problem I always had and even when I suffer it now to a less extent, feel as if it’s one of the main points still left in my progress to overcome social phobia.

Someone can tell me what I’m missing, where I should start or feel identify with my problem?

As a site note I must say that I tend to do most of the time solitary activities, if I rush into someone, the better but most of the times I don’t take the initiative to make an appointment.