Even though I can call, and she still encourages me to call and say anything that's on my mind, I haven't called T much in the past few months. It felt odd at first. It had become kind of a pattern to make one weekend call to her.

It doesn't feel like emotional regulation to me either. Not entirely at least. But I think it is the beginning of emotional regulation. It is 'enough' regulation. I know what I want and need is important but at the same time I feel like I can hold onto it until session. I'm beginning to be able to trust my feeling that she is really there.

I still often start sessions with "I wanted to call you..." and we explore why I wanted to and why I didn't call.

It is bittersweet, being able to not call. It's kind of a lonely feeling and feels at once disconnecting (no call) and connecting (feeling T is truly there).