I’m curious about your history that you would put up with these behavior patterns? I think it would help you to read about trauma bonding and codependent behavior patterns.

It looks like your wife is constantly trying to escape through alcohol use. This can lead to bad choices and unstable behavior patterns like drinking and listening to music in a high.

The ups and downs could be due to different things like bipolar that needs to be addressed by a mental health professional. There can be periods of high drama that can be taken out on others like you describe. Then the temper tantrums some of which can be due to the addiction to alcohol.

You can end up developing ptsd because you are always in hypervigilant survival mode. Alcoholism is a very narcissistic disease. Often the individual is way behind in maturity and can’t regulate their emotions. It’s a progressive disease that causes damage to the person mentally and physically.

This is something she needs professional help with and not something you should expose yourself to. I strongly recommend you seek professional help so you don’t devolve into an angry resentful unhealthy person.