Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
I’m curious about your history that you would put up with these behavior patterns? I think it would help you to read about trauma bonding and codependent behavior patterns.
It looks like your wife is constantly trying to escape through alcohol use. This can lead to bad choices and unstable behavior patterns like drinking and listening to music in a high.
The ups and downs could be due to different things like bipolar that needs to be addressed by a mental health professional. There can be periods of high drama that can be taken out on others like you describe. Then the temper tantrums some of which can be due to the addiction to alcohol.
You can end up developing ptsd because you are always in hypervigilant survival mode. Alcoholism is a very narcissistic disease. Often the individual is way behind in maturity and can’t regulate their emotions. It’s a progressive disease that causes damage to the person mentally and physically.
This is something she needs professional help with and not something you should expose yourself to. I strongly recommend you seek professional help so you don’t devolve into an angry resentful unhealthy person.
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Trauma bonding could be it. We both have issues with our parents and with others in our pasts. The difference is, I've moved on, and she has not, whereas 10 years ago, it seemed the other way around. Part of all this got started when she started claiming to people that my mom "raped" me by having me rub her back when I was a teen.
Music is what we bonded over. Both of us pace while listening to music - but I go out and walk in a straight line down a path to and from home for exercise. She does it in house, and then comes in my room and goes on long, manic "discussions" where she talks AT me for 30-120 minutes at a time, usually about the same ****.
PTSD, as I mentioned before in another reply, si something I'm wondering about. I also had a doctor at the hospital I work at ask me if she had a history of it. Right now she's in some kind of high where she never sleeps, drinks alcohol, paces to music, and talks at me. Then she goes back to some semblance of normal. Oddly there is no real discernible "low" because her "low" is "normal" to everyone else. My mom suspects she and her parents are hiding her medical history from me.
Thing is, when things are good, they are great, but when things are bad, they're AWFUL. Right now most of this seems to stem from the fact she's having her period again and needs a second ablation. She even apologized to me about it last night saying I'm a "perfect angel" and that she's "hormonal" and "pissy" because she's waiting for her gyno appt. But then she went back on to drinking and at 2 am woke me up asking if the regular temperature for an average home was 34 degress and why the thermostat was set to 80 (I set it to 72 per usual). This is the kind of **** I deal with with her.
My biggest concern right now is finances, I need to STOP her from using our money up to buy alcohol, but if I don't stop her, she'll get money from her parents for her "medical bills" - which she did not pay on her own (and I have zero access to). This whole "Care Advocacy" thing to me has felt like a farce almost, because I can't tell her doctor she's an "alcoholic" or she'sll be "Dropped" (which she's already claimed once), I can't tell her parents she's drinking again, I can't say this, can't do that. SO how in the absolute **** am I supposed to help this woman?
It's frustrating because just as I have all my **** in a row to get out, she's coming back to normal again for awhile. I can't stand it.
So do you suggest I get therapy for this because that's already being considered, but she does not respect my time if I'm not at home at a normal time and has been trying to give me doctors appts herself and whatnot while I"m at work. Totally f***ed.