Quote:
Originally Posted by QuietRobot996
I've asked myself why. I've been trying to emotionally detach more and more so it hurts less. She's been blaming her drinking on me for this. AT first it was me trying to "detach with love" alal AlAnon (don't go to meetings though I"ve been toying with it).
The biggest problem is everything we have, is in MY name. Possibly even her car which I had to buy for her because she kept hesitating on doing it despite whining she needed a car for work as her "doctor is signing off on her going back to work soon" - that was in the summer when she was better behaved. So I'm leaving things that are MY RESPONSIBILITY in HER HANDS.
This is messy.
If we got a divorce, ideally, she'd keep her car, and most of her stuff, and I'd just start over. I can't move either, I have too good of a job right now.
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Go to Al Anon meetings. They are sanity savers and they are the necessary support you need.
As for a divorce settlement, it can be written that anything in your name only that you are giving her must be transferred into her name. If her car has an outstanding loan, she will be required by court order to secure a loan to keep it. It's OK to talk to an attorney to get answers to these questions.
As for her controlling who you can tell about her drinking, you aren't doing her any favors by hiding reality from people. She doesn't want to change and is content to self medicate with alcohol and will do anything to maintain the status quo. Al anon meeting as well as a codependency support group will help you to take back control of your life and your mental health. It's OK to want what is best for her, and sometimes that means doing things she doesn't want. Would you tell someone if she insisted on eating rocks and demanded no one find out?
I hope you find the support you need to get through this difficult time.