I am recently divorced for the 2nd time. He was my best friend, we are still friends now, but I still am overcoming the feeling of being emotionally abused by him.
Long story short, my 2nd husband had unresolved mental health issues for years. A couple brain injuries that seemed to have caused self awareness and anger problems his whole life. I noticed it and talked with him about it within the first year we were living together. We were together almost 8 years.
When certain things threw him off course, a change or just something he didn't like, he was angry and mean and never 'knew' he was doing it . Ultimately, I had to have him leave my home. I have 3 children from a previous marriage - whom were greatly affected by his actions and my decision not to break up for so much time. After 7 years of him refusing treatment, he finally did it but it was too little too late for me. I still don't really know what his 'diagnosis' is. He is medicated, doing better, living on his own.
To this day he truly believes he did not know what he was doing and apologizes constantly that he wouldn't have done it if he knew. That makes me feel horrible. But, he does not look at how he acted as a choice, like he was forced and had NO IDEA. Myself and my sons saw and felt the same thing from him. He never saw it, always denied it and basically told us we were making it up. And to this day, he still apologizes and says, "wow, I really wish I knew what I was doing. I never wanted this for you and the boys. " But how many times did I bring it to light? How many times did he deny it?
What the hardest thing to decipher is, was it abuse or was it is complete self-unawareness? Either way, it felt like abuse, intentional or not, it felt the same. And he will never understand or believe that, because he didn't know or intend on being mean or angry and have outbursts. That doesn't seem ok to me at all. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.