Since I have been in a somewhat similar situation, I can definitely identify with you. Unfortunately I didn't really gain any wisdom from the experience. In my case, a breakup resulted. Couple's therapy wasn't tried so I can't say anything positive or negative about that. Perhaps others here can.

Perhaps it is trivial to say this, but it seems as though the brain has a mind of its own. It can be whole-heartedly for something or against something and it can be divided and experience contrary emotions simultaneously.

I wonder if we are sometimes "victims" of our own brains in some sense.

We don't necessarily choose who we will fall in love with. And the process seems to contain elements we are not conscious of, forces that are operating outside our conscious minds.

Falling out of love seems to involve the same attributes. And the human brain doesn't seem to completely care that the processes can be messy.

I think we have strong, sometimes even unrealistic expectations about how a relationship should go, like how an ideal couple should be and behave.

Sometimes we can use our ideals to beat ourselves up when perhaps it would be better to sort of "beat up the ideals" especially when they turn out to be unrealistic. Maybe I am wrong about this. I am often wrong about things.

Wish I had some great and helpful insights to share or some really helpful practical advice, but sadly I am at a loss.

There are many members here on these Forums and hopefully others will see your post and respond with better words than my poor words. Apologies for my lack on insight. My heart goes out to you and I hope you find the optimum course of action in the situation you describe!