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Originally Posted by smileygal
Totally understandable that you would be upset by your T not being honest straight away Scarlett. It sounds like she was kinda 'caught out' telling a white lie as such and realized it was better to tell the truth but at that point the damage had been done.
As others said it is likely she did this to protect you from the feelings or perhaps protect herself from having to deal with that or maybe both or something else. Either way you are still hurting and the trust has been shaken.
If it was my T it would make me question what else did they were willing to lie about to save face, save my feelings or protect themselves and I like you value honesty and openness over anything. It is a seemingly small thing to many but I can understand why it would cause a big rupture. It will take time and talking about it and your T being willing to accept she made an error and being willing to talk about it to work through it. It might also be helpful to focus on the fact that she is human and made an judgement error in the moment.
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Thank you for understanding. I do question what is truth and what is a lie now. It sucks. Most the evidence I have about her is dependent on trust and honesty. Like when she says she loves me, does she mean it? Or that she won't abandon me? Or what other stuff has she tried to protect me from (if that's what she was doing).
I know she's human. I know she makes mistakes. I make mistakes! We work through those mistakes. This seems bigger because it affects to core of our foundation of our relationship.
L is willing to share with me what was going on for her. I'm waiting for her response which she said she'll tell me. She is willing to own her part and try to work through this. At least she's is trying.