Ok so.. Holy f..

The olanzepine was kicking in, I took 0.25mg of clonazepam. I had to lie down and listen to meditation music - For what seemed like almost an hour?

I will have to cross ket off the list as an antidepressant.

Idk how my mind can be so fragile. It's sucks because my favourite podcaster (Duncan Trussell), he is a long term psychedelic user - And I've learned so much spiritual stuff from him... He never truly gets psychosis.

It's unfair. And my mom told me that (Which I know), "Schizophrenia is what causes the curiosity into delusions/experimenting with mind altering substances etc.." and spirituality I guess. I'm going the wrong way about this.

That and the news... Conspiracies too (In small doses).. My cognition is just wired that way now. Not like the autists friends I have.. They can hyper focus, analyze, heavily.. logical, use any drug and be fine + Have "positive symptoms" but it doesn't bother them.

In the end, it's just really unfair to me. It's so unfair and kills me - Cuz a lot of my time is spent on coming up with interesting spiritual ideas/insights. I'd like to write about them.... and life.. Afraid of where the world is going anyways...

It's either tradition (Shaman, religion, conservative, psychedelics, family, faith/god, dying fulfilled) or futuristic (Assisted suicide, science, technology, population control, becoming gods, immortality, cures for physical illness/prolonging cancer life expectancy etc).. I could go on and on..

Where does it all lead..... Which one is better - If humanity is like Universe 25.. with the rat society.... and... Ignore me. Nvm.