Despite everything going so well in my life, I stay 1 step ahead of popping all my pills. I keep my demons at bay through activity, overachieving and carefully planned risk taking. I am fully functioning and on paper everything looks great and yet I have these thoughts daily. It’s been a very hard fight for over 47 years as the severe treatment resistant depression started when I was 8 and I actually tried to do something about it. I’ve done my due diligence and now I’m tired. Sometimes we win. Sometimes depression does. That’s a fact. Please don’t feel sorry for me. I’m no victim. I just needed to tell someone who isn’t in my other world where I’m viewed as unbreakable and unstoppable. I was going to post this last night but after someone’s post - I didn’t feel like I could be totally and open. Sicker than others? Poor choice of words. I call 47 tears something that should not be and never should have been. Thank you for listening