Well, so yesterday was pretty horrific for me given those texts I sent. Thank you to everyone for all your support around this.

Today is a brand new day. I woke up wanting to reboot.

I was hungover yesterday from drinking too much wi*ne Sat night - I need to watch my drinking because I see myself slipping into the bottle a little too much lately, and I do this whenever I am overly stressed or upset. It's also another way he can show his friends that I am nuts or unstable because of the drunk angry texts that I send him.

I become practically toxic myself when I drink too much and am angry - I don't like to see that part of myself, and it makes me feel full of shame and anxiety. I had sent a bunch of angry texts to him Sat night as well, and he knew I had been drinking by the time I got home. I am sure he showed THOSE texts to his friends, which is why I feel full of shame. They can all now say I am nuts and am an angry drunk - something he can hold over my head and have over me.

My only saving grace is that is not my typical behavior. When I am pushed too hard and am too stressed, is when it can happen.