Hi, I'm new here so please just be nice. I'm a 22 y/o female.
Anyways I live in an out of the way community so there's no actual psychiatrists here, so I try talking to my GP. Every time I go looking for help though they just tell me it's depression, prescribe me some pills and send me on my way.
The thing is I really don't think I'm depressed. Most of my days are pretty normal, maybe not overflowing with joy but no worse than neutral. But then something happens that just turns me into a train wreck of despair for awhile. Like running into a friend I know and her long term boyfriend leaves me feeling lonely and undesired for the rest of the day. I'll be fine at the time but once they're gone my mood just plummets.

I've noticed there's a definite connection between how enjoyable the experience and how far down my mood goes right after! Last night a couple of friends insisted I come dancing with them at the club (I didn't have any drinks though) and it was really really fun at the time!
But, as I'm walking home I keep thinking about how miserable and worthless I am, how marvellous it would be to get hit by a car or randomly assaulted along the way. I remember at one point thinking I was imaginary, because only people who already know me will ever notice I'm there and talk to me.
So I ended up crying myself to sleep, hating myself too much to crawl out of bed until 5pm, and even now crying and trying to forget last night even happened.
If things go the way they usually do I'll keep hating myself, wishing for self harm, and feeling/being useless for about the next week or so. Then my mood will start going back to neutral and as long as nothing else happens to make me go back to feeling like crud it'll just stay level.

I really hate this, I can't do anything that's fun or enjoyable in a social situation without paying the price but I just can't hide from the rest of the world forever!
The doctor's no help, giving me pills to treat an overall depression does me no good when I only feel horrible part of the time.
I'm currently not taking any medications because they don't seem to affect things any, and even makes things worse because when I get upset having a bottle of pills right there does NOT help.