Dear K,

I love you so much, and whilst I know it will never be a fraction of the feelings I have for you, I do think you have similar feelings for me too, love or otherwise. Thank you for being the person that you were to me, and for not simply vanishing when you had to walk away from our work. Thank you for seeing how important continuing this contact was/is for me.

I showed J out most recent messages this morning and she said "you two really do have a friendship don't you". But I disagree. It isn't a friendship. It's just a connection, that I really don't think should be broken until nature has its way. It shouldn't be broken for rules that someone once wrote. It shouldn't be broken because of a 'should' or a 'shouldn't'.

I personally think it a MASSIVE testament to the work that we did that I can actually believe that you hold me in your heart, somewhere. That, in fact, was the work really, wasn't it. Learning to be vulnerable. Learning to love. Learning to be accepted. Learning that I am good enough.

One of my very early journal pages was a picture of a mother and baby elephant, with the quote, "a mother's role is to teach you that everything that you need from her, lives within yourself." Or something like that anyway!!

It's true, and you did an amazing job of teaching me that. I don't need you in that way anymore. I have got this. I am living and learning and growing and stumbling and falling and getting up and living my best life, without you by my side. I'm so grateful for you.

But you will never leave my heart, or my head it seems. Like I've said before, who knows what the future will hold. Maybe one day we will come back together again just like a parent and the adult child. In a more mutual relationship. I'd like that, I think.

Anyway, that's enough from me. Keep safe and stay happy.

Me xx