Thank you so much Yaowen and TheGal for your kind & helpful responses.
I will definitely try to practice more self-love. Both of you are so right when you say that I am probably still projecting all of the hurt on myself.. and the worst part is I guess I have been doing that without realizing.

Thank you so much for helping me see through this.
Yaowen, to answer your question, I am not seeing a doctor/psychotherapist at the moment. But I think I should. I think my brain and heart are still processing emotions that are so complex that I, as a layman, cannot fully comprehend and a professional help is what is required.

Thank you both once again for being so supportive & helpful. I really cannot say it enough.

Love,
Sushi