I worry about this as well. The good and bad thing about Dr. T is that he *will* tell me if something is too much, if some sort of contact bothered or irritated him, etc. It's only happened a couple times, but it crushed me when it did, even though he kept saying those couple times that it was no big deal, that he was already basically over it. And that he will always tell me very early on if something is bothering him, not wait until it's become a big issue for him. And that we'd be able to work through it (barring some sort of huge transgression, like a client who physically threatened him once).

The thing is, I'm used to people--both in my personal life and in therapy (ex-T and ex-MC) acting like everything was fine (even if I asked) until one day it was suddenly too much. So it's difficult for me to accept how Dr. T will let me know early on (particularly if I ask), before it becomes a big deal. And that it's OK to irritate someone, to maybe be a little "too much" at times. But he's reassured me at times when I've expressed fears that I'm "too much" in general, that he's tired of me, etc. So with him it's more about an action rather than the person as a whole. Like, it became a bit too much when I was texting him before every session to confirm we were meeting in person. But *I* wasn't too much, just that particular thing.

I wonder if you've had similar experiences in life--with outside life and/or therapy? I wonder if it could help if you could ask your T if she would let you know if you were anywhere near being "too much" in terms of contact, before it became a big issue? I know that could be difficult and painful--both to talk about it and to hear that maybe on a particular occasion you've reached out too much. But knowing that she'd tell you early on could possibly help?


Or if you could ask her what she generally considers too much outside contact. Like, if you email a few times between sessions, is that OK? Especially if, say, it's just something you're doing during a particularly stressful period, and it won't continue indefinitely? (That's what my T was concerned about with the check-in texts, that they'd just go on forever.) Or that you shouldn't interpret her not replying as it being "too much," but just that she's been busy or was trying to think of the right thing to say?

I do think you need to talk about it though, as difficult as it will be. But I think you could also extend the discussion to be about other places in your life where you've felt (including childhood) or currently feel like too much for someone.