I used to, all the time. It was really bad, but in time and through the work we did, it lessened, if that gives you any hope. It's a horrible feeling though, and the only advice I can give is this. The only way out, is through. Hugs if wanted!

Oh yes. I used to get the feeling a lot before. Like with former T. Not so much since then but my attachment to that T was intense. (Still kind of is even though she does not respond if I do send her an email or text which is rare). I still miss her like crazy and I'm convinced she wouldn't take me back as a client because I was too much.

She got sick with MS. Stopped practicing for a few years and then went back part time. I asked to resume work with her but she said no. She said she couldn't be the therapist I needed her to be. Sounds like a fancy way of saying I was too much for her.

I haven't really gotten that feeling with the current T. If anything sometimes she is too much for me! But I'm sure I have worn on her patience a few times. HUGS. It's a difficult feeling. I'm sorry you have to sit with it right now.

I worry about this as well. The good and bad thing about Dr. T is that he *will* tell me if something is too much, if some sort of contact bothered or irritated him, etc. It's only happened a couple times, but it crushed me when it did, even though he kept saying those couple times that it was no big deal, that he was already basically over it. And that he will always tell me very early on if something is bothering him, not wait until it's become a big issue for him. And that we'd be able to work through it (barring some sort of huge transgression, like a client who physically threatened him once).

The thing is, I'm used to people--both in my personal life and in therapy (ex-T and ex-MC) acting like everything was fine (even if I asked) until one day it was suddenly too much. So it's difficult for me to accept how Dr. T will let me know early on (particularly if I ask), before it becomes a big deal. And that it's OK to irritate someone, to maybe be a little "too much" at times. But he's reassured me at times when I've expressed fears that I'm "too much" in general, that he's tired of me, etc. So with him it's more about an action rather than the person as a whole. Like, it became a bit too much when I was texting him before every session to confirm we were meeting in person. But *I* wasn't too much, just that particular thing.

I wonder if you've had similar experiences in life--with outside life and/or therapy? I wonder if it could help if you could ask your T if she would let you know if you were anywhere near being "too much" in terms of contact, before it became a big issue? I know that could be difficult and painful--both to talk about it and to hear that maybe on a particular occasion you've reached out too much. But knowing that she'd tell you early on could possibly help?


Or if you could ask her what she generally considers too much outside contact. Like, if you email a few times between sessions, is that OK? Especially if, say, it's just something you're doing during a particularly stressful period, and it won't continue indefinitely? (That's what my T was concerned about with the check-in texts, that they'd just go on forever.) Or that you shouldn't interpret her not replying as it being "too much," but just that she's been busy or was trying to think of the right thing to say?

I do think you need to talk about it though, as difficult as it will be. But I think you could also extend the discussion to be about other places in your life where you've felt (including childhood) or currently feel like too much for someone.

100%. Awesome T picked up on it the very first session and mentioned it but didn't push... more noticed it out loud. We have had a couple weeks in four years where I have not contacted him outside of session, we have gone through spells where it has been every day and long, times of short ones here and there... and even a couple of times where he was thinking of me and sent me a quick email.
4 years and every time I ask him to hold my hand or ask for a hug I worry that it is going to be that one time too much.
And... when I don't ask... somewhere just before the end of the session he will get this smirk... mischievous, loving, knowing, smart @ss smirk... and ask when I am going to ask for a hug.

Now we are ending therapy and I am counting those treasured moments that make me fear I am too much... how many hugs are left, how much time, how many emails... 5 hugs, 5 hours, ?? emails.

Both T and I know where it comes from, when it got cemented in hard... neither of us know what it will take for the feeling to go away. But... 4 years and never too much. T has even agreed to stay in touch to some degree after we end.

He has good boundaries and to him I have never been too much... not once in 4 years have I been too much for him... and tomorrow when I get to his office and want a hug I will still wonder... is THIS the too much hug. AND I know he will smile and eagerly hug me and it will all be OK