So, here is a post about my T.

I am trying to sort out what I feel and whether or not it is okay to feel however it is I feel.

Yesterday we had a session. All of our sessions are on Zoom except for a few we had on the phone when her internet wasn't a good connection and the two where she came to my house.

It didn't start well. T seemed distracted, which she later owned. She had just got back from the grocery store, she hadn't folded the laundry, and there were dishes on the table. She needed to change rooms. Okay. So she changed rooms. (She meets me from her house on Zoom. I have seen her kitchen, her dining room, her bedroom, and her living room.)

Background: I relapsed yesterday after 12 weeks.

So we were trying to talk about some stuff. And it's been about 20 minutes and we still needed to get to how to move forward from this when she gets interrupted by her brother, who lives with her. He didn't come into the frame but he was talking to her, although I couldn't hear what he was saying.

T got flustered. First she said she needed to end the session. Then she said she just needed to take a break from session and would be back in a few. Then she said she needed to end the session. She said she wasn't charging my insurance for the session and I didn't have a fee because I am at the point in the year when my insurance covers the whole session.

So what happened was: her daughter fell a couple of days ago. Broke her elbow. Hurt her knee. But she was having other medical symptoms that were concerning. T had been trying to get her to go back to the ER. Apparently, daughter decided to go to the ER. So T wanted to end the session with me so she could go be with her daughter. Understandable but still sucky.

So we ended, but T made me contract. All I did was promise not to do anything that night. And I felt coerced into making the contract so whatever.

I have many feelings. I am feeling sad for T's daughter who they think has a fractured skull as well but they are waiting for the results to be read. I am feeling disappointed that we didn't have our full session when I really needed it even though I understand that family comes before me. It was sucky timing for me being that I was a bit crises-y. So I felt a bit selfish.

I also felt that if we were in a proper office, this interruption would not have taken place. I sort of think that when T is at home talking with me, she isn't as professional. Like she told me yesterday that she hadn't combed her hair. I couldn't tell but that makes me feel like she isn't as professional at home. So maybe she didn't really see me as a client right then.

This morning, I don't know. I just feel kind of bad. Not that I am bad. I just don't feel well. My stomach sort of hurts. I feel sort of sad. I feel sort of disconnected from things. I feel like I had too much information about T's daughter. I feel worn out. I'm at work. With nothing to do of course but ruminate.

Just bad timing...c'est la vie I suppose. Not too sure what to do next.

hugs

kit