There is nothing wrong with how you feel. Except your belief that you are selfish.

This is not a boundaried professional relationship, which is muddling the waters as a consequence.

She behaves more like a friend or a peer than a professional in the service of you. This blurring of boundaries is not fair to the client and not *ethical*. And, as you are appreciating first hand, you are paying the price for her inconsistency + from her placing the burdens of her personal life squarely on your shoulders.

You relapsed, you needed her - or at least, you needed consistent, undivided, care and attention (which is a T's role within the 50 or 60 minutes of a session). Instead, she left you hanging. What I am asking myself is: where are your needs met in this professional relationship? And is it enough?