Thanks!

T was helpful today and we had a good talk. I did not bring up my mother, we just never got there. The date T leaves to go out west for the winter is set in stone and then he will be doing virtual sessions one day a month while he is out there. Then will not be doing sessions at all for 2 months until his return. Once he returns he does not know what his schedule will look like but he would/will make space for me if I choose to keep working with him.

We talked about all of that a LOT today and what my expectations were and why I was choosing to do it this way. He was extremely concerned that I felt pressured by him to end therapy which I don't. I know therapy would change as his availability changes but he will make time for me for as long as I need and he is still physically capable. As I explained to him it is my hope to wrap things up before he goes out west... I don't do well with infrequent sessions and I hate virtual. BUT if it is too upsetting or I get too squirrely then we know I am not ready yet and I know he will be there... virtually... but he will be there. So nothing on my end is set in stone. I just know it would be easier for me to change the habit part of therapy when I know he is not available than sitting at home missing him knowing he is in his office.

Art T and I have not seen each other for a session in a few months but the last few times I saw her we did well together. She is not as helpful as T but she has made the changes needed to be able to help me and not set me off all the time. SO... I have art T if needed. I also still have Pdoc and will most likely need to see art T some to continue seeing Pdoc.

T today did something totally unexpected, loving, nurturing and so very in tune... He asked if I would like to see him in person when he gets back the end of May beginning of June... If we are still working together he will make time as soon as he gets home for an in person session. If we are not working together and I would like to see him he would be open to getting coffee or lunch so that I could be truly sure he made it home safe and sound. Even if it is my choice he doesn't want our last time together to be when he is going away unless that is truly what I need.

As far as working with another T I have mixed feelings... I know I will need therapy again once I get out of this marriage... but while I am in it I need to get my resources together to where I can get out. So... I most likely will wait until I am out... and I am pretty sure I am strong enough to do that and stick to it now... Awesome T has also stated that if I stay in any contact with him after we end therapy he WILL kick my @ss should I stray from my goals.

More later... crying too hard to type...