Hugs, Kit. I'm sorry you're being left to struggle so often by her inconsistencies. I also agree with everyone above that your feelings are legitimate, and I don't think you're being selfish at all. You hired her to be, she's paid to be, and she's supposed to be (i.e. she's trained to be) a boundaried professional and you have every right to expect that of her. Sure, she's human and 'stuff happens' sometimes, but it seems to happen an awfully lot with her and it sounds like it's causing you a lot of grief and turmoil. I'm so sorry you're struggling so much with it. I think you've hit on something that has a ring of truth to it, where you wondered if the two of you are trauma bonded or something. I wonder. I hope that you are able to resolve this situation in a way that is helpful for you. I wish I knew what to say and I hope that I'm not just babbling here. Sending more hugs.