I know it is a bit Freudian to blame things on my mother. And I really don't 'blame' her, but this recent line of emails just takes the cake.

I should have just kept my mouth shut...but late last week, I sent emails to my siblings and my mom to tell them about my diagnosis. I told them that I attempted suicide when I was 11, the same year I ran away from home. I told them I've had a half-dozen more attempts since then, and I had severe postpartum depression after my daugther was born. I told them that I was doing much better for a while but that something messed me up late last fall and I fell back into the downward spiral.

Anyway...my mom sends an email back. Here are a few clips:

"I was stunned that you were the 'crazy' one"
"How could the rest of us have no idea and missed the signs for so long?"
"Did I understand you correctly that this was taking place as early as grade school for you"

Ok, now, you would have to know my mom to know that there is a "tone" behind these statements. No, I don't think it's genuine concern. It's trying to trip me up and say that I must not be crazy because she would have seen it.

The next email gets even better.

Some background here...my family is VERY religious, and I am anything but. I tried to explain a little of that in my email. Not a good idea.

Here is what she said:
"From what youwrote, it sounds like you do not even believe in Christianity? Did I read that correctly? Just wondering what value system or such you and (husband) base your choices on? And what value system are you teaching (daughter)? She will need something specific to help guide her as she grows older."

And again...you need to know my mother, but this is NOT genuine concern. It is her lovely judgemental attitude shining thru clearly.

I am just so....ticked off now. I should have not said a word. Yet this just solidifies my mom's opinions of me. She thinks I'm just a big sinner who never did anything right and nothing I do will EVER make her happy until I "repent" and "come back" to their way of life. A way of life that I strongly disagree with for myself.

Just so frustrating. I really wish I could have a good relationship with SOMEONE in my family, but I am just an outcast.