I have tremendous sympathy for you. I've been with my wife for 26 years and we dated for almost five before we got married. But we were much further down the road in age than what you guys started out. We've even acknowledged we probably wouldn't have lasted if we met sooner because we needed that prior experience to get us both in the same head space for the sake of individual identity and understanding of what we DIDN'T want.

But one thing you said did jump out at me. You're in your fifth year of marriage. That was a time stamp where we first had our struggles too. I've seen that allot, experienced it myself, and read about it as well. There's some kind of fatigue that seems to set in around this period of time with allot of people. What we did for our circumstances is create a date night each week where we would go to dinner and the movies and make our conversation just about that experience. That was a kind of "getting back to basics" approach to reset our emotional core. And it helped us get reacquainted with why we were there to begin with. This might be an idea to consider to see if it at least moves the needle.

But I also think at the heart of the issue was this feeling we were no longer individuals because of that marriage document. Truth is that was an allusion we both built up from not sharing like we use to and staying in tune with what one another was feeling like we did when we were dating. When communication breaks down, I think both parties tend to self isolate and that feeds these ideas of differences and feeling like we're really alone.

My wife and I do not have the same hobbies, but we both encourage and support each other with those interests. We are two separate individuals by definition and sometimes we have separate time that is devoted to those themes. We learned to express exactly who we are, but to allocate time for that, which means when it is our time together it means so much more. We figured out how to champion one another for who we are as individuals ,which gave our bond more meaning. Wearing those different hats allowed us to grow ourselves as the people we are, which meant our marriage fed those ideas rather than hindering them. We redefined what that support structure looks like so that meant when we were together it was because we WANTED to be together. Because of that allowance/acceptance of self expression we're actually closer now than ever before, because those other notions and interests we examine for ourselves are transient. Us being together under one roof is constant. We understand that value and bond more than ever.