I think divorce is a healthy, reasonable response to being emotionally abused by your wife. Your wife - with the above example - sounds like a deflector; someone who gaslights others when they set boundaries with her, that requires her to respect their feelings.

My sister is this exact same way. It's her way or the highway. She's never wrong. Everyone else is wrong. This gaslighting behavior stems from deep codependency and insecurity. Our parents were either emotionally neglectful (didn't validate our feelings when we had them as kids to help us understand our own feelings), or emotionally abusive (tell us to 'shut up' or 'go away' without any explanation or consideration of our feelings as little kids).

There is nothing shameful or wrong about getting divorced from a person who abuses you. It's actually an act of self-preservation to divorce your abuser. People do it every day. If your gut is leading you towards divorce, then start the process. Legally separate. Don't allow your wife to emotionally manipulate you to back down just to suit her needs.

If you have children together, I guess it depends on what outcome you want (full custody, partial custody). Get a lawyer first who can help you navigate the process of restructuring your family system with your wife, that you no longer want to be married to. If it's an unhealthy relationship and has no chance of changing (b/c she refuses to acknowledge her own flaws and lacks a willingness to work on her own communication issues), then you have no choice but to get divorced. You have one life. Don't stay tethered to a woman who makes you miserable every day b/c she is miserable. That is not a good way to live.

I support divorce. Esp. your situation without knowing the details. Now, I would never stay tethered to someone who abused me (and I used to).