Again I really appreciate all the kind words and help everyone has provided through this difficult time. I feel myself getting better but it is slow and painful.

I am still stuck in the past. I am trying so hard to move forward but there is an incident during our separation that continues to haunt me everyday and I don't know how to get past it.

A few weeks into the separation while we were still living together, I was going on 4 days with no sleep. I was struggling and trying to make living together work out while she looked for a place. She would leave and not tell me where she was going and then come back late in the evening. It drove me insane and inevitably became the reason I had to move out. I found out through a friend she had a guy friend at work she had been talking to a lot and I confronted her about it. She said they were just friends and only talked through text and work. Further investigation revealed she had been going on walks with him. She admitted it and continued to say they were just friends. She left one night at 8 and returned at 11 stating she was anxious and needed to get out of the house. I found out late that night she met with him again at a park and walked. I got so angry and yelled and just tried to make since of it. When I asked if she seen him that night she denied it for a while but eventually admitted to it stating she lied about it so I wouldn't be hurt. It has been several months now since that incident and she continues to say after my many accusations that she doesn't like him like that and he is just a friend who is also going through a divorce.

I am currently in a no contact period with her and I am still reliving that night almost everyday in my head and I don't know how to stop. I keep asking myself why she had to see him that night. She said she never cheated on me (and it may seem silly but I believe her because I know her well enough to know she would never cheat on me and there were never any signs she was) and that he just happen to be going through a divorce like her and they started opening up to each other.

I want to move on from this so badly and I don't know what to do. I have been telling myself they are together just to learn to accept it but I still keep reliving that night in my head and feeling the pain over and over again. It has been almost 5 months and I still have no clear evidence if they are together. Part of me wants to know the truth while another part says it doesn't matter and it would only cause more pain.

I have kind of kept this event to myself due to the amount of pain it causes me and it makes me feel so much less and makes her words seem hollow when she says she just doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to be with anyone and just wants to live alone for now. It make some question why I wasn't good enough for her but he is. There is just so much pain with that night and I'm tired of thinking about it. Now they work in same department at work and it hurts to think of them being cheerful and happy while I'm still hurting and crying and not seeing anyone.