Quote:
Originally Posted by Waterbear
Hugs Velcro, I'm so sorry you are going through this difficulty. If I can just throw an alternative viewpoint, from a therapist, out there... Sometimes, in therapy, it is necessary for a T to foster dependency. For the client to get attached, when they may not have done so as a child. In time, this attachment becomes less intense, as safety is believed/felt. Then the plan is that the clients learns how to detach in a healthy way.
It's not an easy process, that's for sure but personally I found it incredibly healing to allow myself to lean into the attachment. To learn to trust my therapist and learn to believe that I wasn't too much. That, in fact, if she ever wasn't able to meet my needs, that was because she wasn't enough. Not in a derogatory way, but just the opposite of me being too much.
It took time, lots of time, and lots of 'testing' and lots and lots of patience and reassurance and honesty from my T, but we did get there. Absolutely I still feel some attachment to her, otherwise I wouldnt have found her leaving so hard, but it's not like it was at the beginning. It's really different.
I just wanted to say that the uncertainty and the fear and the worry are all part of the process, of this type of work, I think, not that that helps you really. It certainly won't make it going away! I just womdrred if it might give you a little hope, and to know that you aren't alone in feeling the way you do.
Take lots of care
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Thank you SO much for this. I am going to tell my regular T that her statement that I am challenging hurt me. I know she said she understand where it comes from, but ouch.
I just got back from my session with trauma T. I have such a huge headache, but the very short story is that everything is okay.
I cried for about 45 minutes before I could say anything to her. I was so, so terrified of going and her reaction to me. I did tell her that my big fear that was driving all of this is being too much/needy. She immediately reassured me that she doesn’t think I am at all. I think she told me at least 5 times throughout the session.
Of course she asked if there was something that triggered this fear, and I somehow managed to say yes. Then cried for another ten minutes. I just couldn’t say “I am afraid I am emailing you too much.” What if she agreed? She did end up guessing that it was because she didn’t respond to my email.
I feel SO much shame for this being the reason I have been in a spiral the past few days. I still feel this way even though she reassured me multiple times that she doesn’t think I need to be ashamed about this, that she encourages me to email her. That I am not too much.
She said that in this type of therapy work, we are going to bump into attachment stuff. That she thinks I was never given the ok that my needs were not too much. In response, I internalized it and became someone who feels any need is very, very overwhelming. But that other people might not feel the same way about it.
She also apologized for not responding back, and that she will try to be better about it-that it had absolutely nothing to do with me. That makes me feel worse, because I know this was an overreaction, and didn’t want to make her feel bad about it in any way.
She responded that the way she feels is absolutely nothing compared to the suffering I was going through, and she doesn’t want me to feel like that.
She also asked that if I get triggered in a similar way in the future, that I please let her know. That she wants to know, and that it will help to work through it together.
Whew. It was intense. I am beyond exhausted. I want to believe her, but am really afraid to.
Thanks everyone for your awesome replies.